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nedjelja, 05.12.2004.
mommy, mommy jokes
Be warned. You'll almost definitly go to hell for laughing at these.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board!
Son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?
Mom: Shut up and flush.
Son:Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
mom:Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Son: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
Mom: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?
Mom: Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
Mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.
Son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!
Mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!
Son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
Mom: Shut up and get back in the sack!
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Mom: Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
Mom: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?
Mom: Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute.
Son: Can Granny take me?
Mom: Why?
Son: Her hand shakes.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!
Mom: Well throw some more gasoline on him then
Son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..
Mom: Shut up Albert....
Son: Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe!
Mom: Good, it's working.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
Mom: Nope. You already have your wheelchair.
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blond jokes
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: 'Have another beer.'
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A1: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
A2: Neither could the blondes.[/I]
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw '911' on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.'
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
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your mama so fat
when she steps on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a GameBoy.
NASA plans to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she makes Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid.
she wears an 'H' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her.
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen.
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
if she was an Aeroplane, she'd be a Jumbo Jet.
she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled, 'Land Ahoy!!!'
when her Beeper goes off folk think she's backing up.
when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into is the Dressing Room.
she hasn't seen her feet for 10 years.
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petak, 03.12.2004.
welcome
Welcome to Victim of Abuse. Here you'll find all sorts of funny stuff to make you piss in your pants and roll on the floor laughing with tears in your eyes!
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